Take Full Responsibility

“Take full responsibility,” though well intended, can become a very dangerous piece of self-help advice. It is often used as a way to foster empowerment vs victim mentality when trying to create change within one’s life. The point at which it becomes dangerous is when it crosses a very thin line into shame. At that point it can be used as a weapon. So, in a world of self-help “gurus” telling you that you need to take responsibility for everything in your life, how do you protect against the shame spiral that could result from that philosophy?

Truly taking responsibility does not require or result in feelings of shame.

First, understand what it really means to be empowered in your life. Empowerment isn’t just a word used to lift people up, it is a tool for your success. Empowerment doesn’t come from the outside… that is called permission. You don’t need permission to be empowered. Empowerment comes from within and starts with knowing that you have a choice.*

Second, understand that taking responsibility is not about looking back and saying “I chose this,” or "that was my fault," when things go wrong. It's not even about taking credit when things go right. It is about owning the moment (regardless of the results) and saying, “well… that happened… now I get to choose what I do next.”

As you can see, when you understand that you get to make your own choice for how to move forward, you are able to take ownership over the moment, regardless of what circumstances or past choices brought you there. There are definitely times in our lives where we are truly victims of something or someone. When we understand the difference between those times and what is happening when we are making a major life changing decision, we get to take responsibility and own the choice in the moment.

Empowerment comes from within and starts with knowing that you have a choice.

I used to get caught in a shame spiral every time I even thought about “taking responsibility.” To me it was all about atoning for my sins… like I deserved whatever bad things happened to me because I had made a choice, and it was the consequences.

Then I discovered the phrase, “Everything is happening for me,” instead of “to” me. That still didn’t clear up the shame though. I thought, that if I actually took responsibility for what I did wrong, then I didn’t really deserve anything good that could happen for me because the wrong out numbered the right in my mind.

Sound familiar?

When I discovered true empowerment, that came from deep within my soul, it all finally started to shift. When I realized that choice is present at every moment, it didn’t matter whether anything happened for me, or to me… everything just happened, and I got to choose what to do next. I got to decide if I would turn something into an opportunity, or take it as a lesson learned, simply sit in the feelings that come up so the energy could move through me, or even just enjoy it. I realized that I'm not only the driver of my life, I am the creator of the road.

You are not just a passenger, or the driver, in your life. You are the creator of the road your life takes. If you choose to fully step into the creator role, it is a big responsibility to take on, and you were designed to do it.

As the creator, you get to decide where the road leads.

Armed with that new understanding, I suddenly realized that taking responsibility was really a responsibility to myself to understand how I am already empowered to make a choice, that is in alignment with my values, rather than shaming myself into making a decision that I think I “should” make based on the circumstances. I realized that I am not a victim to circumstances, and I don't need to be victim of shame born from fear of doing things "wrong." Instead, I could trust that, regardless of how the events played out, I will make the best decision I can at the time. That is taking responsibility. That is standing in my truth. That is real empowerment.

So, how do you take full responsibility in your life? Are you a victim to self-shame or do you feel powerless to your circumstances? Or do you empower yourself to choose how to move forward in a way that is in alignment with your own values? Will you choose to step into the creator role in your life?

---

*Note: This is concept is not in reference to those who have been victims of disaster, war, violence, harassment, manipulation, or any other serious offense. If you have been a victim and are in need of mental health crisis care please call 988 in the US, or contact your local mental health resources to get help.

https://988lifeline.org/about/